And So It Goes

So the illustrious 2 week wait has begun. Well, it really began on Friday. I figure I am quite busy these next few weeks, so I am hoping I am able to keep my mind off of it. So far, I have been doing well. This weekend, we will have to fly out of town for a funeral. Joe's 103 year old grandpa passed away. It has been difficult on Joe. Mood swings, sadness, quiet. Joe is never quiet so I know when things are affecting him. So I have him to focus on this week and through the weekend. Next week I don't have anything planned, but I do have to make sure all of the packing is finished with the move coming up.

I think I am calm. I keep telling myself to be calm. And honestly, I don't feel all freaked out like I was last month. I have this thing about me. I like to plan for the worst so when it does happen, I won't be so crushed. I don't like how I felt last month. I have found I deal with bad news better if I am prepared for it to be a possibility. Madison's death was never a possibility to me. I never saw it coming. And I took it very hard. I didn't have time to prepare for the loss. Maybe preparing for something bad to happen sounds a little morbid, but it is my way of being hopeful. It is my way of preparing for life. I think it is okay for me. I don't think everyone could do it my way and be okay, but I can. I am not a negative person. I don't think the way I chose to deal with things is necessarily a negative way to think. I think it just means I know myself well enough to protect my heart.

So my goal this week is to focus on Joe and his dad. They are both hurting from the loss of a loved one. I am too, but it doesn't cut me as deep as it does them both. I find that I have strength for them when they need it. And it most certainly is needed right now. This is not the week to be selfish and overcome with my own burdens.

Crystal