To Freak or Not to Freak

Hmm, let's go with not to freak. I think that is the safest thing at the moment. Where do I start? How about this past weekend?

So we flew out to Pennsylvania on Friday. The trip was long because we had a layover in Dallas. That airport is so friggin big. The Skylink thingy wasn't working so we had to walk from terminal C to A. It wasn't very far, but a little annoying since Joe said the last time he was in that airport, the tram wasn't working then either. Crappy, but we did get to ride the moving walkway and we felt like we were vampires in Twilight (obviously a reference to the movie....it sucked but I love the storyline). Anyway, we finally got to Baltimore and Joe's dad picked us up. It was about 8pm. We had an hour and a half drive to get to Lancaster, Pennsylvania. So we headed out. Since we hadn't eaten, we decided to wait till we got closer to York to eat. Guess were we ate???? CRACKER BARREL!!!!! I have never eaten there and was so excited! But it was a short lived happiness. I don't know what the hype is about, because it wasn't anything special. I will give it to them though, they do give you ALOT of food. And the atmosphere is right up my alley. But that about covers it. Oh well

We got the hotel and found out that it was the Rotary Club weekend.....Man those old people can sure party! We ended up on the same level as them and they were drinking and running up and down the hallways all hours of the night. They even invited us to come party with them. We decided to go to bed....couldn't keep up with the senior citizens.

The next morning we had to be ready to go by 10am. We had breakfast at McDonald's (which we ended up having EVERY MORNING we were there). We took a limo from our hotel in Lancaster to York, which is about a 45 minute drive. At the cemetery, we held a graveside service for Popop. It was very intimate. It was Joe's dad, his aunt and her husband, his cousin, Joe and I. We saw where Grandma was buried and where Popop will be laid to rest. Obviously it was very emotional.

We left from there and headed back to the hotel and got lunch. The memorial service was scheduled at 2pm so we headed over to Willow Valley where Popop lived out his life. It was a great service. John, David and MaryLou's husband spoke. Popop's nurse for the last few years was there. Some of his friends were there. In all, it was very intimate also.

After the service we headed over for dinner at the restaurant that Popop and Grandma used to go to when they celebrated. I can't remember the name, but it was really good. John bought 3 bottles of wine for the table, so I decided to partake in the festivities. I had about 1.5 glasses of wine. I figure it would be fine if I was pregnant since they say it is okay to have a glass.

There was a total of 12 of us at dinner, some of Joe's family I never met before. It was an interesting experience since almost all of them drank the wine AND had some kind of hard liquor. By the end of dinner, I think that half of them had way too much to drink....

As we were heading out of the restaurant, MaryLou's new husband was clearly one of them. He was hanging on MaryLou and his eyes were all glassed over. He took this opportunity to ask me what I was going to name the girl. WHAT??? He asked again what I was going to name the girl. At first I thought he was saying I looked pregnant and was basically calling me fat. But then I started thinking, is he talking about Madison? He said, " You already have 2 boys, what is going to be the girls name?" OK? Now was he getting me mixed up with Meredith? I quickly told him that I did not have 2 boys and that Jason and Meredith were the ones that had 2 boys. At that point you would have thought he would have stopped, but oh no. He kept going. He started talking about how this family needs a girl and that we should get on it. I just stared at him like he was the stupidest person I had ever met. I knew that MaryLou knew about Madison and how could he not know? This didn't end, it just kept going. I had to get in the car to get away from him because I wanted to hit him in the face. The drive home was VERY quiet. John tried to tell me that he didn't know what he was saying and that he probably had too much to drink. I told him that it was not an excuse.

When we got back to the hotel, I just wanted to go to bed. John called a little bit after we got back and said that he had spoken to him and he said he was really sorry and that he didn't realize what he was saying until he got in the car. I am figuring MaryLou said something to him. REGARDLESS, it was very insensitive and inappropriate to say the things he said to me, even if he did get me mixed up with Meredith. It would have been inexcusable if he would have said those things to Meredith. How can you say those things to two women who have lost their babies, and GIRLS? I am so disappointed in the lack of compassion. Alcohol is not an excuse.

We left the next morning to come home. I am glad I didn't have to see anyone again after the episode that happened the night before. I was ready to come home. What I didn't anticipate was the check back into reality. The last few days have been difficult for me. I am still not freaking out like I was before, but I am 13 days past ovulation today and technically I had already test 3 times by this time last month. I still have yet to test. I am scared. I think it is going to be a negative and it is going to stress me out and cause my period to lengthen again. I am supposed to wait until Saturday. It is difficult. I am impatient and want to know, but the disappointment last month was too much to deal with. So here I sit, with nothing really to take my mind off of it, except my move. I have to keep telling myself, I will not stress, I will not obsess. But man, that is easier said then done. I have symptoms, but who knows if they are period symptoms or pregnancy symptoms. They are all very similar and honestly, I don't trust my body anymore. It seems like now I have had the surgery, I have had to re-learn about my body. It is not acting the same as it used to. So I don't trust what I think I feel.

So pray for me. Not just about our "maybe baby" (that is what Joe and I call it) but about peace for this crazy time. I don't want to delay anything just because I am going crazy again.

MommyLuLu