WOW! HOW LONG AGO DID I POST????

Wow, it has been a while. It has been extremely chaotic and busy for us. Obviously I haven't even had any time to update my blog. Well here we go!

My birthday was not bad because my family met us for dinner. Although we ended up in the ER later that night....Not for me. For Joe. His back has been acting up ALOT lately and he was getting to the point that he could barely walk. He looked like an old man hunched over. I bet we looked a sight.....Anyway, they took an MRI of his back and not much came back from that. They sent him home with medication. I wasn't happy with that answer. Since I work at the hospital, I have some connections. So I took his information over to a back specialist, someone who deals with spines all the time. He looked at the original x-ray, CT and MRI and said that he has a Pars fracture that would require surgery to fix. The doctor send a dictation over to Joe's primary doctor and stated his opinion. That put a fire under his butt because all of a sudden Joe had a referral to a orthopedic specialist. It wasn't who I wanted him to go to, but at least it was someone who could really tell him what is going on.

Joe saw the specialist and it was confirmed that he would need surgery. After much dillydallying, they finally got him all set up for surgery. Joe had to go out on disability early because he couldn't work anymore. He is now to the point that he can only relieve some of the pain by laying on his back on the couch. It really sucks for him. He is a pretty hyperactive person, and all this laying around by himself is really getting to him. I wish I could stay home with him to keep him company, but I can't.

So we went to Vegas for my birthday, Maddy's birthday, and Father's Day. This was before Joe got REALLY bad. It was fun. We saw some shows and ate a lot of food. We were able to spend some time with my dad out there as well as my sister. It was pretty uneventful. Oh, except I brought the fetal heart doppler with me and when I tried to find the heartbeat, I couldn't. I tried not to freak because I was only 11 weeks pregnant, but I knew I had found it before, so I figured I should be able to find it again.

Well, when we got back, I couldn't shake the fact that I couldn't find it. I was stressing out, so I called the doctor. He said I could come in for a quick check. But he couldn't find it either. Now I was really freaking out. I called Joe and he left work to come with me to the ultrasound. I was already planning in my head what I was going to do when I got the bad news. I just couldn't believe that it was happening again.

Thank God the tech put us in a room with a working TV. I was able to watch as she did the ultrasound. First thing I saw was the heartbeat. I cried. I was thanking God and the moon that Ta-Ta was still alive. Tators was sleeping and seemed rather annoyed that we were prodding him/her in my belly. Started kicking legs and punching. It was really cute. The tech gave us a printout of a side profile of Tots and I can't believe how much he/she looks like a really baby. At 12 weeks, it is a fully formed baby. Just a large head. AND Ta-Ta was measuring 13 weeks 2 days. So a little big. I might have a linebacker or basketball player in there....

So that was the end of the scare. I am still freaking out everyday, all day. I have started to feel movement, but I am not 100% sure it is the baby and not my intestines moving around. It is really hard to tell this soon. Sometimes I am sure it is movement, then I start to doubt myself. This week I am 16 weeks pregnant. I can't believe I am a month away from half way there. I am starting to get scared of the 22 week mark when Maddy passed away. I know it is still 2 months away, but it still seems right around the corner. This month has passed pretty fast. Day by day, right? I still check for blood expecting something bad to happen when I am sleeping. I can't believe how stressful it is to grow a baby. I am going to be a wreck as a mother if I don't get a handle on my freak outs.

I have a doctors appointment this week on Friday. Then 2 more weeks till we can do the gender ultrasound. I keep thinking I want to know now in case something happens so the baby can have a name. Me and my morbid thoughts. I don't know how else to deal with it. Just the way I am built, I guess. I am REALLY excited to find out if it is a boy or girl. I am having mixed feelings about that though. I think deep down I want a girl, but I don't want to WANT a girl because we lost Madison. I think I might have a hard time separating it in my mind. I think, honestly, I would do better with a boy, mentally, at this time. I think I could maybe handle things better if it is a boy. I don't know. I don't want to be upset either way, but I think it is going to be bittersweet when we do find out.

Joe read Tators a story a few nights ago. It was a story about Tom Kitten. Silly one about a fat kitten bursting all its buttons because he was too fat. Made me think of our Fatty Patty. But it was so cute to watch Joe read to my belly. Evidently, Tots has started to hear his/her first sounds so we thought we could get a head start on reading!

So past Joe's surgery and the last scare, nothing else to report. Those things have taken up a lot of our time and energy. Oh, sickness is lessening, but I am still having to take my medication at night to east the nausea. I find that I am still sick the next day if I don't take it and I can't sleep. So I am going to talk to the doctor about it so that I feel better about taking it. I wish I could do it without anything, but I was a monster when I tried to stop.....


Love you Madison and Tators. You both are Daddy and Mommy's reason for getting up everyday.